Author Archives: Joe Paradis

The Home Library

May 15, 2012

We’ve all seen them in the movies, of course. Every scene filmed in a mansion usually has one shot of the dusty mahogany-paneled library, with row after row of leather-bound books, neatly lining the shelves. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of owning, my own library. And I’ve gotten a good jump on it, thanks to some bargain pick ups at auctions, yard sales at libraries, and the deals you can get with The Literary Guild and The History Book Club.

But alas, most families of average means rarely go to that extent to build a book collection. Instead, the home library generally resides in a much smaller room in the house. It’s called the bathroom. And the book collection is often little more than a stack of magazines on top of the toilet tank, or a pile of newspapers on the floor – but not always.

In my efforts to blow the lid, so to speak, off this earth-shattering potty story, I’ve gone undercover, making the round of various bathrooms, to survey the reading selections and bring to you first-hand the scoop about what people read while sitting on the throne.

The sophisticates of the world appear to enjoy National Geographic. A stack of these often adorns the shelf behind the most ornamental toilet seat covers. Full of pretty pictures and stories just long enough to keep you riveted to the seat beyond the necessary time to do your thing, the National Geographic reading experience may tie up the family bathroom for a good half hour. There’s something about a story on the orange maki fish of Singapore that seems to stimulate the bathroom experience. Knowledge is bliss.

Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader, a series of thick paperback volumes, is designed specifically for the bathroom reading experience. You gotta wonder about Uncle John though… Popular in the 1990’s, these library resources are full of short stories and interesting factoids that are just long enough for the guy or gal who wants to get in there, do his or her thing and get out, while picking up an interesting tidbit or two along the way. The Guinness Book of World Records and Ripley’s Believe It Or Not are also fond alternatives for these quick visits, with the added benefit of pictures for visual sitters.

That series of yellow “Dummy” books appears to be quite popular. They too are well designed for the quick squat, with brief paragraphs on various topics. Wannabe computer geeks naturally gravitate to the “Computers for Dummies” volumes. I’ve also seen “Religion for Dummies” and “Cooking for Dummies” – although I personally can’t identify with reading about cooking while on the pot. But some apparently can, and God bless ‘em.

Women seem to have a ready supply of romance novels available and, I’m told, many become so engrossed in their stories that supper goes cold and the children head off to bed by themselves before mom realizes that the muscle-bound prince with girded loins has rescued his fair maiden long before mom will tuck the kids in that night. Inevitably, young kids also have their stash of books under the sink. Generally, theirs are the kind that can also be read in the bathtub – 6-page vinyl books that make the grunting sounds of various animals when you press the pages. An interesting twist on bathroom reading.

I’ve seen piles of TV Guides in a number of bathroom libraries. Why people would save those, I don’t know. Others collect Time Magazine, Newsweek, and People magazine. To my mind, those deserve to be in a bathroom, if not a bathroom library. Just in case you run out of toilet paper. Sports nuts collect their intellectual periodicals – Sports Illustrated, Baseball Today, even the slick ESPN Magazine, often strewn among old sports sections from the Globe, Herald, and an occasional New York Times for wayward Yankees fans.

I understand that those who have substantial bathroom libraries often undergo panic attacks when forced to use the facilities in a home where potty reading is not considered a priority. They resort to reading the ingredients on a can of air freshener or the back of the toothpaste tube. A few secretly admit to pulling out their wallets and reading the information on their driver’s licenses and credit cards, just to placate that thirst for knowledge that is stimulated during a sit down.

All in all, I am truly pleased that America is on the road to building these home libraries. I look forward to the day when enough books line the walls of every bathroom that you’ll need the Dewey Decimal System to find your favorite literature before sitting down – although, all too often, people truly can’t wait that long before dropping the seat (guy’s perspective) and hunkering down for the primary reason they came in there.

In the meantime, I suppose a small collection of the periodicals listed above is good for the inquisitive mind. A square of toilet paper makes a great bookmark. The innovative among us know how to rig up an old spice rack to serve as an easily accessible bookrack within potty distance. Be proud of your modest bathroom libraries, America! Knowledge in the john is free – and you don’t even need a library card.

Visit Londonderry Hometown Online News every Tuesday Morning for another one of Joe’s great columns! Select “Share this story” and share your favorite columnist with your friends!

Joe’s Two Cents – It’s Great To Be Alive is Joe Paradis’ first published book and gathers 40 of his most popular stories, enhancing them with humorous photography. The book is a compilation of forty of Joe’s best short stories.

Injecting humor into topics from everyday life, Joe answers those earth-shattering questions we all have about the beach, the bathroom, the junk drawer. From guys’ tools to girl talk. High school seniors to the senior years.

This classic collection has been updated to include pictures and a short introduction for each story. Until now, only God knew what possessed Joe to write about these things. Now you can too!

Joe Paradis is one of Londonderry’s most popular columnists and authors. Visit his web site at www.joes2cents.com today and order his latest autographed book, “It’s Great to Be Alive!”

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Selective Hearing

May 8, 2012

I find, as I get older, that my mind likes to compartmentalize things. This helps me to focus, I suppose, on the things that require particular concentration. I’m proud of that ability; it assists me in avoiding brain overload by tuning out peripheral thoughts.

I, like many guys, call this “selective hearing”.

My wife calls it “not paying attention”.

Either way, it’s a real talent.

I’ve seen this trait in a lot of other men. Proud men, nearly always in their fifties or older. Men who’ve spent a lifetime grooming themselves for that perfect time – when they are finally asked a question that they just want to tune out. They usually test this God-given trait first with the response to a simple question, usually a trash-related one. It’s nearly always a question asked by their wives, during the ninth inning of a Red Sox game. With the bases loaded, two outs, a full count, and David Ortiz at the plate.

“Honey, would you take the **ash out? It’s pretty full and I’m afraid the dog will get into it.”

Her husband’s mind freezes. The eyes flicker, but his head doesn’t turn. Focus on the game, his mind tells him. On the game. I think she asked you about a gash. Or a rash. Yeah, that’s it – a rash. Just watch the game.

But his wife persists, ever so nicely. She’s seen this trait in her own father. Momma said there’d eventually be days like this for her too. “Would you do that, please? Honey?”

“Sure,” responds her husband. And after a slight delay, he adds “Do what?” Ortiz was bearing down at the plate, eyeing the opposing pitcher with that steady gaze of his.

“Take out the **ash,” repeats his wife, now more certain than ever that her husband has entered the “place-where-all-men-eventually-go”, the Land of Selective Hearing.

“But I don’t have a rash,” he shoots back, innocently. Ortiz had just swung through the final pitch. A big fat Strike Three. This game would go into extra innings. Dejected, her husband rises from his chair and heads for the trashcan. She can only shake her head.

It’s a typical scenario played out time and again in households across the country; around the world even.

Now there are several variants of selective hearing. There’s that general response that a guy provides when he’s just plain tired. Instead of trying to decipher what his wife says to him, from the few words his ear picks up, he’ll often just say “Huh?” It’s a response that ensures continued conversation. Who can resist the urge to respond to a ‘huh?’? Huh? It actually clears the air, allowing a man’s wife to repeat the question, perhaps more slowly. Rumor has it that Winston Churchill gave some of his most rousing speeches, throughout his lifetime, after a series of ‘huh?s’. Homer Simpson too.

A guy with hearing aids can get away with utilizing selective hearing to a greater degree than those without hearing aids. He can just smile, nod his head, and cup a hand over the ear until his hearing aid emits that high pitched feedback whistle, which doesn’t bother him, but startles everyone around him. A follow up question usually isn’t asked by the inquirer, fearing she’s embarrassed the poor guy. It’s a nifty ploy.

History might certainly have been different if more men had practiced the art of selective hearing down through the ages. French peasants might have heard Marie Antoinette exclaim “Let them eat steak”, thereby diverting the French Revolution. General McArthur might have left the Philippines with a mere “Huh?” instead of “I shall return”. And Richard Nixon might have been heard to exclaim “I’m not a schnook”, proving only that he was still lying.

Yes, the fine art of selective hearing. Something for which young boys get spanked, but older men garner respect and sympathy. One of the many rewards of growing older, wouldn’t you say? Huh?

Visit Londonderry Hometown Online News every Tuesday Morning for another one of Joe’s great columns! Select “Share this story” and share your favorite columnist with your friends!

Joe’s Two Cents – It’s Great To Be Alive is Joe Paradis’ first published book and gathers 40 of his most popular stories, enhancing them with humorous photography. The book is a compilation of forty of Joe’s best short stories.

Injecting humor into topics from everyday life, Joe answers those earth-shattering questions we all have about the beach, the bathroom, the junk drawer. From guys’ tools to girl talk. High school seniors to the senior years.

This classic collection has been updated to include pictures and a short introduction for each story. Until now, only God knew what possessed Joe to write about these things. Now you can too!

Joe Paradis is one of Londonderry’s most popular columnists and authors. Visit his web site at www.joes2cents.com today and order his latest autographed book, “It’s Great to Be Alive!”

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Sharing Time with Vince

May 1, 2012

“Good day! Good day!” he said as he bounced up to our rental car, in his bright orange Caribbean print shirt, Bermuda shorts, and sandals.

“Oh, oh,” I said to my wife. “Looks like a time share pitch…” But before she could respond, he was at my window, smiling and waving. I had to smile. I’ve always admire the energy of a true salesman.

“Hello, sir!’” he said, a huge smile on his too sun-burned face. He continued, in his clipped Dutch accent. “My name is Vince and I work for the Westin Hotel over on the beach, ya?” (‘Ya’ is the Dutch equivalent of the much maligned Canadian ‘Eh’ or our grating American ‘Okay’, all of which are way overused.) “What are your names and what brings you down here to Oyster Bay?” Right to the point, those Dutch!

Now I’ve always liked the give and take of these sales pitches, especially as I’ve gotten older and now more readily challenge them – in a good sort of way, of course. No need to get annoyed – young guys like this are just trying to make a living like everyone else on the beautiful island of St. Maarten.

“Well, Vince,” I said, “We are Joe and Joanne Paradis and we own a time share right here at Oyster Bay. We’re staying at another place on the island this week, but come Saturday, we’ll be staying here. Right now, we’re going over to that little shop to buy some French bread. And what brings you here?”

“Exciting times!” he said. “As I say, we (his partner was in the little booth they had set up just before you get to our resort, which might explain why he wasn’t as sun-burned as Vince) work for the Westin Hotel and are promoting our new timeshares, ya? Would you like to scratch a scratch ticket and win some prizes? It is free. There is no obligation for you, of course.”

“Can I win a trip to America?” I asked. The partners looked at each other for a second and then laughed. “That is good, Joe! No, no, but you can win some very nice prizes. Please scratch, each of you!”

So we did, with an American nickel donated by Vince. We scratched my ticket first. I won a free drink at the Westin. “That is good, ya?” said Vince. My wife scratched hers next. Vince waited in anticipation.

“I see two ‘7’s, Vince. Is that good?”

“Oh, two ‘7’s!” he said. ‘Ya, that is very good! That is a prize!”

Joanne continued to scratch the card. “No wait, Vince… she has three ‘7’s. She must have won the lottery, huh?”

He stopped in his tracks, a wave of disbelief crossing his face. “Three ‘7’s!!!” He almost choked on his words and grabbed my arm in his excitement. “Do you know what that means, Joe? That is the best prize! There are only six of those in the scratch tickets every day that we get thousands of scratch tickets from the sales management, ya? He began jumping up and down. It was a little weird…

“I will tell you the prizes, ya? There are three prizes when you get three ‘7’s. The first is $1,000 in cash. That is donated by the vendors on the island. Cash is very good, ya?” We said ya back. “The second prize is 5 days and 4 nights at a resort in Cancun. That is very good too. And the third is a video camera. It is not a cheap one, Joe. But a very good camera of the highest quality. That is very good news, is it not?”

We agreed…not as excitedly as Vince, because we’ve been down this road before. Of course, so had he… But, at least he finally let go of my arm.

“It is very good for us too!” he said. “We get $200 when the three ‘7’s come up on a ticket!” The sales partners looked at each other and nodded eagerly.

“Now, of course, there is a catch, ya? You must come over to the hotel and listen to the timeshare presentation and see one of the units. They are very nice. But if you don’t asked any questions, you can be out in a very short time, ya? So follow me, Joe and Joanne, and I will take you there!”

And off we went – after we bought our French bread.

We met with a lovely woman from French Guiana, who gave us the timeshare spiel, understood that we probably would not buy since we had a timeshare right next door, and said glowingly that we were the most handsome couple she had ever met. After the tour and our regretfully turning down the offer to purchase a timeshare – a surprise to none of us – she went as cold as ice and shuffled us down to the sales office…where we scratched off the final block of our three ‘7’s scratch ticket and won Prize #2 – the 5 days and 4 nights in Cancun.

A few days later, we began our timeshare week at Oyster Bay. We ran into Vince every once in a while, out there at his little shack, chasing down cars and hawking his scratch tickets to everyone passing by.

Half way into our week, I met a couple at the beautiful infinity pool. The guy was telling me how they had been cornered by a guy at the entrance to Oyster Bay who wanted them to look at a timeshare at the Westin.

“Did you go?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said. “We also won a free 5-day 4-night trip on one of his scratch tickets.”

“Cancun?” I asked.

“Why, yes,” he responded.

“I’ll bet you had three ‘7’s too, right?”

“We sure did! The guy told us there are only six of them in the scratch tickets they distribute every day.”

To which I could only respond, “You’re a lucky guy, ya?” And we both laughed.

Visit Londonderry Hometown Online News every Tuesday Morning for another one of Joe’s great columns! Select “Share this story” and share your favorite columnist with your friends!

Joe’s Two Cents – It’s Great To Be Alive is Joe Paradis’ first published book and gathers 40 of his most popular stories, enhancing them with humorous photography. The book is a compilation of forty of Joe’s best short stories.

Injecting humor into topics from everyday life, Joe answers those earth-shattering questions we all have about the beach, the bathroom, the junk drawer. From guys’ tools to girl talk. High school seniors to the senior years.

This classic collection has been updated to include pictures and a short introduction for each story. Until now, only God knew what possessed Joe to write about these things. Now you can too!

Joe Paradis is one of Londonderry’s most popular columnists and authors. Visit his web site at www.joes2cents.com today and order his latest autographed book, “It’s Great to Be Alive!”

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Time for a new Award, “The Jerky”

April 17, 2012

There are many nice people among us who do so much to help their community.  And so many people in visible positions, who are able to uncover, recognize, and publicly reward these contributors, making the rest of us aware of their sharing nature.

However, there’s one category of community participant that has gone completely unrecognized by us all.  A category in which most of us could truthfully say that even we might – once in awhile – be eligible to receive an award.  Yet, as always, there are others who do much more than the rest of us in this category.  These are the folks who are most entitled to the title Jerk of the Year – and to receive its accompanying award “The Jerky”.

Yes, the Jerk of the Year!  You know this worthy individual.  You’ve seen him in the parking lot, at work, on the highway.  She may be the shopper who gets in the 10-items-or-less line at the grocery store – with 18 items.  You know, because you’re right behind her with a gallon of milk.  She can rationalize that six frozen dinners should count as one item, because…well, they’re all the same thing.  She has a shot at a “Jerky”.  You have a shot at her head.  But you’re rational, so you just shake your own head and continue to patiently wait.

How about the guy who’s behind you on the road, just before two lanes merge?  He speeds up at the last moment to get in front of you, essentially cutting you off and sending your coffee sloshing across the dashboard of your new car.  He’s a good candidate for a “Jerky” too.  No doubt, he has somewhere more important to go than you do, and he needs to get there more quickly.  You’ve got to admire the way he glares at you as he speeds by – as if you did something wrong.  Don’t worry, though.  We know you did nothing wrong.  Some might even say it was his parents who did the wrong thing.  They gave birth to him.

Potential award recipients can be found anywhere.  You may have a worthy Jerk in your own neighborhood.  How about the guy who waits until the end of the fall before raking his leaves?  Most of those leaves will inevitably end up on your lawn first – and you have no choice but to rake them up.  Of course, that also makes you a potential recipient for another award – sainthood.

What about the young lady in that little Honda who sees you waiting for a parking space?    You have your turn signal on, just waiting patiently for the current occupant to back out first.  But that young lady is inching up from the other direction.  And she knows that the current occupant will be blocking you off briefly as he exits the space.  So she thinks it’s her right to sneak into the space as that occurs.  And she does just that.  Visions of “keying” her car run through your mind.  But again you keep your cool and end up having to take a space at the farthest end of the parking lot.  Of course, it starts to pour as you hop out.  And you suddenly realize you gave your wife the umbrella this morning.

A Jerk can hold just about any occupation. She could be a teacher who doesn’t give your last test back until two weeks after grades close.  But she immediately tells the entire class that you all did poorly on that test.  So your grade ends up being a ‘C’, when swift return of the test and a review of your wrong answer might have pushed your grade to a ‘B’.

A Jerk could be the cashier at the grocery store, who’s more interested in speaking with the cute girl bagging your groceries than concentrating on getting you through the line efficiently.  Or the guy at the Post Office who sees you heading for the door with an armful of packages to mail.  He walks just a bit faster to beat you to the door, opens it just enough to squeeze through, and leaves you waiting for a Boy Scout to arrive and open the door for you.  Obviously, you should have waited until later, to mail those Christmas gifts to your great grandchildren.

My favorite kind of Jerk takes the last cup of coffee from the machine at work, without making a new pot.  Or he never seems to have enough money to pay for his own meal when everyone goes out for lunch.  Or he borrows your snowblower and lends it to his cousin in the next state, without asking you, as that predicted foot of snow begins to fall on your driveway.

But it’s a great big wonderful world out there.  Full of so much good, so much bad, and an abundance of idiocy in between.  Just as we sometimes wonder why God created mosquitoes and snakes and poison ivy, we also wonder why he created Jerks.  Until we stop to think that maybe Jerks create themselves.  Perhaps that’s why we really do need to hand out a “Jerk of the Year” award and the accompanying “Jerky” statue.  To bring public recognition to these smallest of minds, in the hope of enlightening them to the fact that others also occupy this world.  Or am I just being a jerk here?

Visit Londonderry Hometown Online News every Tuesday Morning for another one of Joe’s great columns! Select “Share this story” and share your favorite columnist with your friends!

Joe’s Two Cents – It’s Great To Be Alive is Joe Paradis’ first published book and gathers 40 of his most popular stories, enhancing them with humorous photography. The book is a compilation of forty of Joe’s best short stories.

Injecting humor into topics from everyday life, Joe answers those earth-shattering questions we all have about the beach, the bathroom, the junk drawer. From guys’ tools to girl talk. High school seniors to the senior years.

This classic collection has been updated to include pictures and a short introduction for each story. Until now, only God knew what possessed Joe to write about these things. Now you can too!

Joe Paradis is one of Londonderry’s most popular columnists and authors. Visit his web site at www.joes2cents.com today and order his latest autographed book, “It’s Great to Be Alive!”

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Spring Has Sprung

April 3, 2012

It’s fair to say that spring is finally upon us…well, it comes and goes, but in general it is here. The usual signs are everywhere. Colorful crocus, tulip, and daffodil petals have opened their arms to the sun. The days are longer and warmer. Sleeping no longer requires a quilt and the persistent chirping of crickets is everywhere. Get out the Raid.

But there are other, more subtle signs of spring that may not be as obvious to those watching only the sky and the flowers. Let’s consider a few thousand of them, shall we?

No longer do we need to chip ice off our cars this year – a great feeling! With the onset of a few warm days, I now find my wipers smearing large chunks of squished bugs across the windshield instead. And I’m curious as to why the goo is always yellow. Any zoologists out there to enlighten us?

Spring has certainly sprung in the yard. A brief walk on what passes for grass at my house immerses me in mud to my ankles .

The chipmunks seem to have had a banner winter for offspring production. They’ve been out introducing their young to my tulip bulbs. Guess it’s time to get out the “chipmunk swimming pool”. This is a worthwhile tool that helps maintain the balance of nature.

With spring’s onset, it’s a pleasure to go to work in the morning when the sun is out, and return in the same daylight. Makes me feel like I’ve only worked a half day – and I don’t feel a bit guilty.

The birds of winter are no longer interested in the bird feeders. Our cats, however, are apparently too dumb to know that. They sit under those feeders for hours, staring up blankly, now that they too can go out in the nice weather.

With the spring joggers out on the roads, there are now many more obstacles to zoom around, for those yahoos who drive while talking on their cell phones. Jog fast, people.

It’s a great spring when the Red Sox are gearing up for Opening Day. I know this will be a long exciting season for them – and us – after the beer and fried chicken debacle of last fall.

You know spring has arrived when, completely out of the blue, your teenager asks when you’re going to help him pick out his tux for the prom. The unspoken ending to that question is “and I expect you’ll also pay for it?” Good luck to the next generation.

Spring has hit New England when you see kids still wearing the same shorts they’ve worn all winter – but now they no longer wear their winter coats with them. Go figure.

Spring has arrived when you hear 40% of the population sneezing and sniffling with their seasonal allergies. My favorite saying upon observing a particularly good sneeze is “Can I get you a towel?”

It’s especially gratifying to be able to roll down the car windows in the spring. Now you can actually hear the curse words from impatient drivers as they cut you off. Takes all the guesswork out of it.

Spring is definitely on the doorstep when there are more cars in the Home Depot parking lot than at a Patriot football game.

It is truly springtime when the boxes on your kitchen calendar begins to sprout mysterious x’s for each passing day. That’s a sign that your kids are counting down the last few months of school and simultaneously sharpening their math skills for final exams.

And to travel full circle back to nature’s signs, spring is in the air when the black flies are too. I’ve only seen a few so far, but they’ll soon overtake the ticks. And here’s a tip – to keep them out of your ears and nose, try walking around with your arm straight up in the air. They always swarm to the highest point of your body. You’ll know how many people read this column, by the number of people walking the streets with their arms in the air. Let’s hope they haven’t been sweating…

Enjoy your spring. It’s a shorter season than we think.

Visit Londonderry Hometown Online News every Tuesday Morning for another one of Joe’s great columns! Select “Share this story” and share your favorite columnist with your friends!

Joe’s Two Cents – It’s Great To Be Alive is Joe Paradis’ first published book and gathers 40 of his most popular stories, enhancing them with humorous photography. The book is a compilation of forty of Joe’s best short stories.

Injecting humor into topics from everyday life, Joe answers those earth-shattering questions we all have about the beach, the bathroom, the junk drawer. From guys’ tools to girl talk. High school seniors to the senior years.

This classic collection has been updated to include pictures and a short introduction for each story. Until now, only God knew what possessed Joe to write about these things. Now you can too!

Joe Paradis is one of Londonderry’s most popular columnists and authors. Visit his web site at www.joes2cents.com today and order his latest autographed book, “It’s Great to Be Alive!”

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Have We Forgotten Already?

March 27, 2012


I marched in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade with the Blue Star Mothers last week. Blue Star Dads can be Associate Members, so I’m in like Flynn – coincidentally appropriate for St. Patrick’s Day. It was a proud moment for the group – to be able to tout the Blue Star cause in front of so many people. The only problem was this – most of the folks along the parade route had no idea what the cause was. Do you?

Blue Star Mothers are simply proud women who have sons and daughters serving today in our armed forces. They also loosely incorporate dads, wives, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, step parents, and just about anyone with a family connection to someone serving in the military. It makes the group all-encompassing and accessible.

But apparently not accessible enough.

Throughout the parade, we received a smattering of claps and cheers, mostly as a reaction to the flags of the five service branches that we were carrying. A few people thanked us for our service and a few others offered their condolences for our loss, obviously confusing the group with the Gold Star Mothers, those brave women who have actually lost their children fighting America’s wars. The applause increased exponentially as we passed the reviewing stand and the crowd was told who the Blue Star Mothers are. But I question whether they shouldn’t have already known…

And therein lies the dilemma that confronts me – I fear that many Americans have lost interest in the men and women who have been fighting for our freedom since September 11, 2001. They’ve grown weary of hearing about war, even as our hometown heroes continue fighting it.

Oh, it’s probably not on purpose; Americans traditionally have short attention spans for the ugliness of war. And they get really ugly themselves with wars we can’t win quickly, as they did with Vietnam. We were all so gung ho for war after 9/11; ready to go out and smash Al Qaeda, the Taliban, and just about any Muslim who looked sideways at us. We held huge send-offs in giant arenas for our National Guard and Reserve units as they left their families and the safe confines of our neighborhoods. Some Americans also remembered that we had full-time Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps and Coast Guard troops who were deploying in even larger numbers, from military bases where deployments are a normal occurrence and military families celebrate and grieve in their own way. Because war and war preparation are what their jobs and lives are all about.

Most of the Guard and Reserve units have now returned home, many after several deployments and in two separate wars, in Iraq and Afghanistan. So too have the thousands of dead heroes and tens of thousands of wounded heroes, those both physically and mentally scarred. America has grieved for them and prayed for them for ten years now. But she’s starting to forget why.

But this war isn’t over yet, although many Americans seem to think that it will be tomorrow. I’ve heard genuine surprise from people who say “We’re still sending troops to Afghanistan? I thought we were ending the war?” And that’s true, folks, but there are still two years to go, as American troops continue to die and lose limbs, and suffer traumatic brain injuries and emotional disorders. And to make matters worse, some individual troops have done truly stupid things in Afghanistan that have increased the danger for their fellow troops. Many of them are pretty pissed off at that.

The easiest road to take, of course, would be to pull out of the Afghanistan war yesterday. But realistically, there are policies and processes that America needs to put in place, before we can walk out of that country. We need to at least try to establish some rapport, some modicum of diplomacy, if only so we can contain our enemies in one location and prevent them from attacking us on our homeland again. If we don’t attempt that, then our dead and wounded heroes would have made empty sacrifices. Americans need to remember that.

Some of us have kids, spouses, parents, and friends who are still rotating through the war zone – on their first, second, third, fourth, and even fifth deployments. Stop and think about that, America, before your haste to “just get outta there” overcomes the reasons for which we went to war in the first place.

It was still a great St. Patrick’s Day parade. And we’re still a great country. But don’t be so short-sighted, America. Keep yourselves educated about current events and stay involved. This war is long from over. And like those who have gone before him, I can only share my son’s life with you once.

God bless America. She needs it.

Visit Londonderry Hometown Online News every Tuesday Morning for another one of Joe’s great columns! Select “Share this story” and share your favorite columnist with your friends!

Joe’s Two Cents – It’s Great To Be Alive is Joe Paradis’ first published book and gathers 40 of his most popular stories, enhancing them with humorous photography. The book is a compilation of forty of Joe’s best short stories.

Injecting humor into topics from everyday life, Joe answers those earth-shattering questions we all have about the beach, the bathroom, the junk drawer. From guys’ tools to girl talk. High school seniors to the senior years.

This classic collection has been updated to include pictures and a short introduction for each story. Until now, only God knew what possessed Joe to write about these things. Now you can too!

Joe Paradis is one of Londonderry’s most popular columnists and authors. Visit his web site at www.joes2cents.com today and order his latest autographed book, “It’s Great to Be Alive!”

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