Londonderry News

We were traveling down the highway last fall, armed to the teeth with directions – confident that we would certainly be able to find our destination.  After all, the caravan of 23 cars following us was depending on our abilities to locate the place.  And they provided us with just a wee bit of peer pressure to succeed.  We weren’t worried.

We had certainly prepared well.  That morning we had printed a detailed set of direction, fresh off of MapQuest.  And another set from our destination’s web site.  In case those failed, we had also retrieved a copy of the hand-scribbled directions that were stuffed in our client’s folder at the office.  Nothing like utilizing the experience of someone who’s been there already.  And to top it all off, we had our trusty GPS system, fully programmed with the details of our destination.  Unfortunately, not one set of directions matched the other – or the GPS directions.

…so, as you may have guessed, we got lost.

On the bright side, we did give our convoy of 23 cars a nice ride through beautiful downtown North Andover and several scenic, historic neighborhoods.  Twice.  After the second go around, I think some of them had caught on to the simple fact that…well, we didn’t have a clue as to where we were going.

That didn’t deter us, however.  We did what any real man would do.  We dug in our heels and gritted our teeth even harder, determined to find our destination without stopping at a 7-Eleven Store to ask for directions.  Because, that’s what guys do.

Now given that example of my own macho-stubbornness, I have to ask myself – why?  Why is it that the male of the species will never ask for directions, even when it’s apparent that he’s truly lost?    History bears out this phenomenon.  Who do you think was leading the Jewish people when they wandered through the desert for 400 years?  It sure wasn’t a woman, not in those days.  And who was it that thought he had found a new route to India, when in fact, his ships had actually touched shore on the opposite side of the globe back in 1492?  Why, another clueless guy, of course.

A recent survey in the United Kingdom (that’s England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland for the guys who get lost in geographic terms) estimates that men waste over six million hours each year because we refuse to ask for directions when driving lost.  I don’t know if that covers just guys in the UK or all the guys in the world, but it’s a huge number, don’t you think?  Firm, yes even proud, testimony to the fact that we guys are…well, guys.  Which can be defined as stubborn, pig-headed, even stupid.  Just ask our wives, mothers, sisters, and girlfriends.

The same survey noted that men who get lost while driving in the UK wait an average of 20 minutes before they finally give in and ask for directions.  That figure probably doesn’t include those taxi cab drivers who purposely get lost to jack up their fares, or American tourists driving around aimlessly in Scotland looking for Scotland Yard.  On the flip side, lost women drivers in the UK succumb to asking for directions in less than half the time that their male counterparts wait.  Now does that mean women waste “only” three million hours each year before they ask for directions?  And does it suggest that perhaps they’re only half as stubborn/pig-headed/stupid as us guys?  That’s a road I don’t want to get lost on…

One gentleman I know admitted that he got lost several times while driving across Spain (must be nice, huh?), but that his wife gets lost all the time in the mall parking lot.  Neither of them apparently ever asked for directions.  Personally, I’d be more concerned about the wife if she did stop to ask for directions in the parking lot.  That would probably mean she’d go back into the mall, where the chances of her purchasing something else she hadn’t intended to buy are rather high.  I know this woman!  And she might also just forget to get those directions on how to exit the mall.  Overall, could such behavior, if typical, add up to another three million hours wasted each year too, across the female spectrum, making guys and gals pretty evenly matched in the wasted-time-for-not-asking-for-directions race?

Truthfully, I doubt it.  We all know that most guys take pride in their inability to ask for help when lost – and wear that badge proudly on their sleeves.

Which brings me back to that 23-car caravan that we led on that wild goose chase through North Andover several months ago.  It was, in fact, a funeral procession.  And we really did need to find that cemetery.  So manly pride or not, we just halted our procession in the middle of the road (which, of itself, WAS manly) while the driver ran back to one of the cars in the caravan and (gulp)… asked if they knew where the cemetery was.  With a big grin, the woman at the wheel told him exactly how to get there.  She knew the game.  And because men actually can follow directions when forced to, we did arrive at the cemetery on time.

Which goes to prove that, as the saying goes, most men would probably be late for their own funerals too – if not for the steady hand of the women behind them, giving them directions…

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