Londonderry News

Greater Massachusetts – December 9th 3009

Archeologists today announced a major find in the area previously known as southern New Hampshire.  Last month when excavating a centuries old land fill containing what scientists called “D” batteries, long lost and buried communities were unearthed.  Evaluation has determined this area to have been abandoned over a thousand years ago.

The archeological find encompassed the area of several square miles in what was, at the time, referred to as Londonderry, New Hampshire an area long annexed into the greater state of Massachusetts.

Londonderry appears to have been broken up into various neighborhoods based on street names.  The Cows (Holstein – Jersey); the Birds (Owl – Eagle – Sparhawk); The Trees (Elm – Forrest); the Nuts (Walnut – Hazelnut); the Emotions (Happy – Jolly – Tranquil); and the Chinas’ (Wedgwood – Dresden) to name a few.  As researchers pealed away the layers of earth these street signs were the first to provide some clues.

What became of the “Hoods” of Londonderry may never be actually known.  Many theories have now been developed.  In many homes in the Cows and the Emotions residents had scrawled, “Power to the People” on many walls.  In the Birds, Trees and Nuts there appears to have been praying to a God named “Watty”.  Some have suggested a violent end to the “Hoods” with clashes between the Cows and Birds expanding into other neighboring areas may have eventually wiped out the populations.

Other theories are less violent.  Living conditions in most of the homes uncovered so far show a spartan life of people huddled around fire places and metal stoves.  Though most homes showed evidence of modern electrical equipment, few showed evidence of use.  Countless burned down candles, pre-packed food containers, and no evidence of cooking lead researchers to this conclusion.

Findings from several digs have shifted the focus to a more peaceful end to the “Hoods”.  Most homes had communications from the local school officials indicating the continued canceling of schools over an extended period of time.  Given the clues around life-style and a lack of children a newer theory around a resurgence of the Shaker religion in New England has emerged.

Shakers were known for eschewing modern conveniences including electrical services.  Shakers were also celibate with men and women living in different areas only coming together for community wide events.  Like most religions that rely on converts the number of Londonderry Shakers over time reduced; thus the communications on the canceling of schools as there were no longer children entering the community.

Over time the population of the Nuts, Cows, Chinas’, Birds, Emotions and the other “hoods” dwindled down to a lonely cold abandoned few who have taken the secrets of the demise of Londonderry along with them.

Researchers would like to thank the Dunkin-Donuts Power Corporation for their generous grant in funding this rare archeological find.

Please be advised, this is a spoof, a satire, just for fun!  Any similarity to actual individuals, organizations or companies are coincidental and not intentional.

Join us starting on December 11th at 10am for a outstanding review of the 2009 Ice Storm!  That is if today’s storm does not have us all “in the bunkers” again!